So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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