ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
