Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
