he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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