I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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