The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
