Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
