He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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