in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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