How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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