Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
