I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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