I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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