You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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