some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
