I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
