i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
