never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
