I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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