dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
