I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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