I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
