The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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