Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
