Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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