It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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