my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
