My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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