i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
