She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
