Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
