There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
