people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
