So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
