dude i'm inner monologue high
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
