I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize