I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
