Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
