Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize