Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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