i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
