on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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