don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
