I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
