Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
