I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
