They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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