Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
