Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
