...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
