We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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