he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
