I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize