I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
