my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize