there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
