No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
